Question that flipped my safety off...

“Why don’t you have anymore children??” “It’s such a shame you didn’t have any more children” “You only had 1?”

About to graduate high school, was accepted to a 4 year college in North Carolina, I had a son at 18. Young & just didn’t know condoms came in different sizes. Things didn’t go the way I planned after that but I did finish 3 years of college & raised my son with my family behind me. Even with the assistance of my family, it was very hard raising a boy child alone. 19 years later, my son’s in a 2 year college & doing better than I every hoped. He’s brilliant, knows what he wants to become & has a couple side plans open to him if things don’t go as planned. As a single mother, I’m grateful he turned out so well because the odds were against both of us as soon as the condom broke.

So why am I about 2 seconds from flipping of a safety & calling it a day?? “It’s a shame you don’t have anymore kids.” This from a Black woman sitting across from me as I’m about to enroll into college after being out for 18 years. What in the flaming blue hell??? It took 18 years to raise my kid to be a productive, well round person. Now I that I want to earn my degree, you have to ovum to question me why I didn’t have anymore kids?!! You're so happy with your 3 kids & being a single mom you're recruiting??!!

It wouldn’t be so bad if I was an isolated incident. But it happens so much I’m wondering if I should have a fake baby bump in my purse or something. At the job, on the street, meeting people, the extended family...”Why didn’t you have another baby?”

19 years have gone by, I’m 37 now & I still get asked the question, even by people that know me. Is it so hard that believe that a Black woman doesn’t want to have another kid after an experience of raising a kid alone?? I’m single by choice & because of that choice, I don’t want to have another baby unless I'm married or have a contract with a man that outlines what duties we have in our relationship & to any children in said relationship. (No, that’s not a marriage but it’s contract, legal & binding.) And even with that answer, I still get asked why or told what a shame is was that didn’t have another kid. Or my favorite guilt the mom statement-“Oh, your son must have been lonely as the only child.”

I only get these questions from Black folks. Young, elderly, working, non working...Black folks ask the question. I've never had a nonBlack person ask me about my now childless status...maybe their not that nosy?? Maybe they see the logic of not having any children unless you're partnered with someone??

With the numbers of STD increasing within the Black community & out of wedlock births that seem to fill Maury/Springer type shows, you would think that I'd be get points for not having another kid. No...I get comments like, "You're getting older, you should have a baby". Like having a baby at my age with all the new tech is going to be a walk in the park. WTF!!!

Using the tech...

Well, I just figured out that I can blog via my phone. Cool!!! So will be posting on the road...may the Gods have mercy on my fingers...

Bipartisan...how's that working for you??


President Obama extended to Bush Jr. era tax cuts. It saddens me greatly as an independant voter & one of the working poor. But unemployment benefits have been extended to millions of Americans who haven't had a job since Bush Jr. left office. That's a good thing but why do I feel I've been sodomized again?? Hhhhmmm...didn't the GOP have President Obama by the balls before?? No off shore drilling & drilling in protected areas then President Obama had to allow it for alternative energy bills to pass. Then B&P had on leak. The GOP didn't claim that since they caused it. So the President wants to be fair, wants both parties to work together for the good of the country after 8 years of GOP rule, which bankrupted the US. Oh, wait, some folks want things their way. Nevermind the citizens of the country, they want their country back because government has run amok. Really? I wouldn't have noticed if I wasn't working & living check to check just to survive. But thanks for looking out for my interests, since you never asked what those interests are, assholes!

Things I’ve learned as a woman after 37 years…

I’ve learned many things at 37 & know that I’m going to learn even more as get older.

Any heel higher than 4 inches equals pain or surgery. I can walk & dance in a pair of pumps. High heels aren’t good for the feet long term. Believe me or talk to your doctor, they’ll tell you the truth.

Know your bra & size. The right bra for the right boobs works wonders not only for your back but your self esteem. Even us small breast chics need a proper bra. Get sized & get new bra every 6 months if you can.

Have your own condoms. Your sexual health should never be entrusted to anyone but yourself. Many condoms have spermicides & lube that may screw with a woman’s Ph. And if a woman’s Ph is off, it can lead to yeast infections. So know your brand & stick to it.

Sexy is attitude, not clothes. I don’t & never had worn tight clothes to feel sexy. I look fierce in a pair of sweats & a head wrap & I’ve gotten enough compliments to know.

Take up a martial art. Every woman has horror stories about sexual assault. Not saying knowing a martial art will keep you from getting attacked but it does set the mind right for self defense when you need to rip someone other hole.

Drink water. Put down the regular & diet sodas, regular & diet juices & anything else coming out of a can or bottle that’s not water. It’s not only keeping add to your weight, it’s messing with your skin too.

Don’t settle for a partner. No one wants to be alone. But no one wants to go to jail for knocking some fools head off either. All I’ve heard recently is how Black women need to lower their standards for partners or our standards are too high. Considering I don’t date thugs, players, rappers, high profile athletes or actors, gangsters or wanna be gangsters, any male that uses ebonics as their 1st language, has a history of violence or mental illness or is unable to fend for themselves daily, I know my standards are reasonable. Has this, makes that, etc isn’t in my program. I’m more concerned on a man character & self rescept.

If you not happy with you, you’ll never be happy. Self contentment isn’t about just being ok or liking what you have. It’s about knowing that whatever stage in life you’re at, you’re happy, content. You could be a graduate student, working a crappy job or a Customer Service rep with a husband & no kids: be happy. Whatever you’re doing to improve yourself is a great, just don’t loss sight of your happiness.

Compromise isn’t a bad thing. We all have our principles on how things should be or be done. And that’s fine. But we live in a world with people who think the same thing. It’s best to be able to compromise than fight all the time.

Sex is better as you age. You know your body & how it works. You know what's good for it & what's bad. No fumbling around or worrying about what the other person thinks: you know. And you can use that knowledge like a champ!

Men are not simple creatures. Whoever told that lie might have been right back in the 60’s or 70’s but in 2010, men aren’t simple. They’re people with needs, desires, expectations & issues that can make or break them. They not just happy with easy sex or cooking to keep them satisfied. (Many men that cook are better cooks than women. My son 19 year old is a perfect example. Boy shames me in the kitchen) Men are multifaceted like women & everyone else on the planet. If you think otherwise, you’re in for a reality check.

Jump offs, side jawns/piece & other titles are used by kids. Grown people have lovers. They appreciate & trust their lovers enough to get naked with them & have at it. They respect them enough to keep whatever’s done in their own bedrooms to themselves. Grown folks know that they might not be the others one & only but since they’re grown, they have other options. Grown folks know boundaries & limits of the grown folk relationships.

Make up is the enemy. I have oily sensitive skin. Over the years, I’ve tried MAC(turned me red), Clinque(turned me white), Perspectives($$$$), Origins($$$), Avon(never had my shade), Mary Kay(broke me out) & Almay(manikin skin). I’ve learned for me, natural is best & really don’t want to try anymore make up. I keep my face clean & use a matte no-oil moistener, some dark lip stick or gloss & I’m done. Also, my dermatologist told me that make up does cause wrinkles whether you wear it all day & clean it off completely. Also, I hate make up on my clothes.

Say no, mean no & back up that no if you have to. Some women can say no & be talked into something. Be firm with your no so you don’t complain about doing something you didn’t want to do in the first place.

Date your age. I’m 37. I’m not going to date a 24 year old man because he’s young & fun. I have standards & needs that a 24 year old might not understand or care about. I won’t date a 50 year old man because that’s too old for me & he might not be able to keep up. I try to date my age range because it’s nice not having to explain what the 80’s were like to someone who wasn’t even born yet.

Don’t shyte where you eat. Interoffice relationships are a no-no to me. Nothing stays quiet in an office setting & people are nosy. I’m not willing to lose my paycheck on the possibility of love or a good sticking because some jackass hates our relationship or somebody just can’t leave well enough alone.

Size really doesn’t matter. Everyone has a preference as to what’s attractive to them...I do too. But at the end of the day, it’s not the size, height or package, it’s the performance, how that works to it’s best ability. I’m 5 ft, 7 in & short guys(short to me 5ft 5in on a guy) love me. And since I know where their height went, I love’em too.

Hip hop’s not dead. It got hijacked by youngsters.

End of the Show it All Summer, 2010

Summer is my favorite season. Water ice, ice cream I’m not suppose to eat but do, bbq’s, block parties, festivals, reconnecting with old friends & meeting new people are just a few of the hallmarks of summer. And now that it’s winding down, the kids are back in class & my eczema is starting to flare up, I’ll miss summer but it’s a bittersweet feeling. All summer, the hottest trend seemed to be nekked. Not naked, as is to be without clothes. Nekked as in body parts are shown to the world.

I can’t say that I’m a prude & think all folks need to be running around completely covered while there a week long heat wave. But if you’re a size 14 wearing a size 6 short short, that’s just plain wrong.

What is wrong with some women these days??? Sexy used to mean alluring or daring. Not crass or nasty. What happened?? What changed?? Woman’s fashion has changed but what I see in the streets, I don’t see on the runways.

Woman's Lib my ass...

I’m a woman. Yup, got the parts, the hormones & the shoes so I can safely claim to be a woman. As a woman, I want to be treated fairly, paid equality for any work that I do. Sounds fair & reasonable. And as a woman who wants to be treated fairly & paid equality, I understand that there are limits if I want to be treated fairly & equality.

Case in point, women reporters in men’s locker room. Why? I mean… you really think you’re not going to be harassed in a locker room with hyped up athletes?? Is it really necessary for a woman to be in a locker room full of men with a mic, asking about how he feels before or after a game? You don’t see male reporter’s in the WNBA locker rooms interviewing players so why do women reporters get a pass??

I’m not real big on women in combat but understand if that’s what they want to do, they should be able to do it & deal with consqueneses that come with it. I know there’s a lot of sexual harassment & assault in the military. That type of nonsense is uncalled for when women are serving their country in hostile territory then have to contend with misogynists assholes in their units.

Reporters have a choice in their assignments, unlike soldiers. What type of woman wants to be assigned to a locker room interview? She looking for a boyfriend?? She the fluffer for later?? I know, it’s crass but come on: the players don’t have their wives, girlfriends or kids in there…what makes you think they want a female reporter in there??

There are some things that need to be for & by men only. Reporting in a locker room: male only. And if a woman wants to be in the locker room to do an interview, boo hoo…not going to happen.

Just can't stand it can you??

It's been a year and a half with President Obama & his cabinet at the helm of our government.

So lets review some highlights of the former President Bush Jr's watch-2001-2009:

A never declared war in Afghanistan & Iraq

Household income dropped 2000-2007

Instituted the No Child Left Behind Act

Implemented the largest tax cut in US history

The response to Hurricane Katrina

Housing market collapsed

Mortgage crisis

Cut family planning funds to foreign countries

Opposed and vetoed SCHIP (health insurance for children)

Opposed the Kyoto Protocol

Vetoed stem cell research

Dismissed 4 Federal attorneys that caused a uproar since no one understood why & still don't.

Implemented President's Surveillance Program (anyone can be wire tapped)

Ignored the Geneva Convention

America's image goes downt he crapper globally.

So after 8 years, some people think President Obama's taking this country down by his policies. Really? I read the above & wonder how the US made it this far without other nations placing a ban on our exports.

Personally, I think it boils down to racism. An educated, well spoken, laid back Black man is in the Oval office & many folks just can't stand it. Don't think it's racism? Look at who's protesting the loudest. Yes, there are a few Black Americans that don't agree with President Obama but I haven't heard many over the roar of the tea parties & the Glenn Beck clones. And doubt they will be heard because of their race.

Really, we all know the real, underlining reason many kick President Obama everytime. We read, we have access to C-SPAN & alternative news outlets: He's Black & you just can't stand it!!