Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Question that flipped my safety off...
“Why don’t you have anymore children??” “It’s such a shame you didn’t have any more children” “You only had 1?”
About to graduate high school, was accepted to a 4 year college in North Carolina, I had a son at 18. Young & just didn’t know condoms came in different sizes. Things didn’t go the way I planned after that but I did finish 3 years of college & raised my son with my family behind me. Even with the assistance of my family, it was very hard raising a boy child alone. 19 years later, my son’s in a 2 year college & doing better than I every hoped. He’s brilliant, knows what he wants to become & has a couple side plans open to him if things don’t go as planned. As a single mother, I’m grateful he turned out so well because the odds were against both of us as soon as the condom broke.
So why am I about 2 seconds from flipping of a safety & calling it a day?? “It’s a shame you don’t have anymore kids.” This from a Black woman sitting across from me as I’m about to enroll into college after being out for 18 years. What in the flaming blue hell??? It took 18 years to raise my kid to be a productive, well round person. Now I that I want to earn my degree, you have to ovum to question me why I didn’t have anymore kids?!! You're so happy with your 3 kids & being a single mom you're recruiting??!!
It wouldn’t be so bad if I was an isolated incident. But it happens so much I’m wondering if I should have a fake baby bump in my purse or something. At the job, on the street, meeting people, the extended family...”Why didn’t you have another baby?”
19 years have gone by, I’m 37 now & I still get asked the question, even by people that know me. Is it so hard that believe that a Black woman doesn’t want to have another kid after an experience of raising a kid alone?? I’m single by choice & because of that choice, I don’t want to have another baby unless I'm married or have a contract with a man that outlines what duties we have in our relationship & to any children in said relationship. (No, that’s not a marriage but it’s contract, legal & binding.) And even with that answer, I still get asked why or told what a shame is was that didn’t have another kid. Or my favorite guilt the mom statement-“Oh, your son must have been lonely as the only child.”
I only get these questions from Black folks. Young, elderly, working, non working...Black folks ask the question. I've never had a nonBlack person ask me about my now childless status...maybe their not that nosy?? Maybe they see the logic of not having any children unless you're partnered with someone??
With the numbers of STD increasing within the Black community & out of wedlock births that seem to fill Maury/Springer type shows, you would think that I'd be get points for not having another kid. No...I get comments like, "You're getting older, you should have a baby". Like having a baby at my age with all the new tech is going to be a walk in the park. WTF!!!