Friday, September 24, 2010

Things I’ve learned as a woman after 37 years…

I’ve learned many things at 37 & know that I’m going to learn even more as get older.

Any heel higher than 4 inches equals pain or surgery. I can walk & dance in a pair of pumps. High heels aren’t good for the feet long term. Believe me or talk to your doctor, they’ll tell you the truth.

Know your bra & size. The right bra for the right boobs works wonders not only for your back but your self esteem. Even us small breast chics need a proper bra. Get sized & get new bra every 6 months if you can.

Have your own condoms. Your sexual health should never be entrusted to anyone but yourself. Many condoms have spermicides & lube that may screw with a woman’s Ph. And if a woman’s Ph is off, it can lead to yeast infections. So know your brand & stick to it.

Sexy is attitude, not clothes. I don’t & never had worn tight clothes to feel sexy. I look fierce in a pair of sweats & a head wrap & I’ve gotten enough compliments to know.

Take up a martial art. Every woman has horror stories about sexual assault. Not saying knowing a martial art will keep you from getting attacked but it does set the mind right for self defense when you need to rip someone other hole.

Drink water. Put down the regular & diet sodas, regular & diet juices & anything else coming out of a can or bottle that’s not water. It’s not only keeping add to your weight, it’s messing with your skin too.

Don’t settle for a partner. No one wants to be alone. But no one wants to go to jail for knocking some fools head off either. All I’ve heard recently is how Black women need to lower their standards for partners or our standards are too high. Considering I don’t date thugs, players, rappers, high profile athletes or actors, gangsters or wanna be gangsters, any male that uses ebonics as their 1st language, has a history of violence or mental illness or is unable to fend for themselves daily, I know my standards are reasonable. Has this, makes that, etc isn’t in my program. I’m more concerned on a man character & self rescept.

If you not happy with you, you’ll never be happy. Self contentment isn’t about just being ok or liking what you have. It’s about knowing that whatever stage in life you’re at, you’re happy, content. You could be a graduate student, working a crappy job or a Customer Service rep with a husband & no kids: be happy. Whatever you’re doing to improve yourself is a great, just don’t loss sight of your happiness.

Compromise isn’t a bad thing. We all have our principles on how things should be or be done. And that’s fine. But we live in a world with people who think the same thing. It’s best to be able to compromise than fight all the time.

Sex is better as you age. You know your body & how it works. You know what's good for it & what's bad. No fumbling around or worrying about what the other person thinks: you know. And you can use that knowledge like a champ!

Men are not simple creatures. Whoever told that lie might have been right back in the 60’s or 70’s but in 2010, men aren’t simple. They’re people with needs, desires, expectations & issues that can make or break them. They not just happy with easy sex or cooking to keep them satisfied. (Many men that cook are better cooks than women. My son 19 year old is a perfect example. Boy shames me in the kitchen) Men are multifaceted like women & everyone else on the planet. If you think otherwise, you’re in for a reality check.

Jump offs, side jawns/piece & other titles are used by kids. Grown people have lovers. They appreciate & trust their lovers enough to get naked with them & have at it. They respect them enough to keep whatever’s done in their own bedrooms to themselves. Grown folks know that they might not be the others one & only but since they’re grown, they have other options. Grown folks know boundaries & limits of the grown folk relationships.

Make up is the enemy. I have oily sensitive skin. Over the years, I’ve tried MAC(turned me red), Clinque(turned me white), Perspectives($$$$), Origins($$$), Avon(never had my shade), Mary Kay(broke me out) & Almay(manikin skin). I’ve learned for me, natural is best & really don’t want to try anymore make up. I keep my face clean & use a matte no-oil moistener, some dark lip stick or gloss & I’m done. Also, my dermatologist told me that make up does cause wrinkles whether you wear it all day & clean it off completely. Also, I hate make up on my clothes.

Say no, mean no & back up that no if you have to. Some women can say no & be talked into something. Be firm with your no so you don’t complain about doing something you didn’t want to do in the first place.

Date your age. I’m 37. I’m not going to date a 24 year old man because he’s young & fun. I have standards & needs that a 24 year old might not understand or care about. I won’t date a 50 year old man because that’s too old for me & he might not be able to keep up. I try to date my age range because it’s nice not having to explain what the 80’s were like to someone who wasn’t even born yet.

Don’t shyte where you eat. Interoffice relationships are a no-no to me. Nothing stays quiet in an office setting & people are nosy. I’m not willing to lose my paycheck on the possibility of love or a good sticking because some jackass hates our relationship or somebody just can’t leave well enough alone.

Size really doesn’t matter. Everyone has a preference as to what’s attractive to them...I do too. But at the end of the day, it’s not the size, height or package, it’s the performance, how that works to it’s best ability. I’m 5 ft, 7 in & short guys(short to me 5ft 5in on a guy) love me. And since I know where their height went, I love’em too.

Hip hop’s not dead. It got hijacked by youngsters.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

End of the Show it All Summer, 2010

Summer is my favorite season. Water ice, ice cream I’m not suppose to eat but do, bbq’s, block parties, festivals, reconnecting with old friends & meeting new people are just a few of the hallmarks of summer. And now that it’s winding down, the kids are back in class & my eczema is starting to flare up, I’ll miss summer but it’s a bittersweet feeling. All summer, the hottest trend seemed to be nekked. Not naked, as is to be without clothes. Nekked as in body parts are shown to the world.

I can’t say that I’m a prude & think all folks need to be running around completely covered while there a week long heat wave. But if you’re a size 14 wearing a size 6 short short, that’s just plain wrong.

What is wrong with some women these days??? Sexy used to mean alluring or daring. Not crass or nasty. What happened?? What changed?? Woman’s fashion has changed but what I see in the streets, I don’t see on the runways.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Woman's Lib my ass...

I’m a woman. Yup, got the parts, the hormones & the shoes so I can safely claim to be a woman. As a woman, I want to be treated fairly, paid equality for any work that I do. Sounds fair & reasonable. And as a woman who wants to be treated fairly & paid equality, I understand that there are limits if I want to be treated fairly & equality.

Case in point, women reporters in men’s locker room. Why? I mean… you really think you’re not going to be harassed in a locker room with hyped up athletes?? Is it really necessary for a woman to be in a locker room full of men with a mic, asking about how he feels before or after a game? You don’t see male reporter’s in the WNBA locker rooms interviewing players so why do women reporters get a pass??

I’m not real big on women in combat but understand if that’s what they want to do, they should be able to do it & deal with consqueneses that come with it. I know there’s a lot of sexual harassment & assault in the military. That type of nonsense is uncalled for when women are serving their country in hostile territory then have to contend with misogynists assholes in their units.

Reporters have a choice in their assignments, unlike soldiers. What type of woman wants to be assigned to a locker room interview? She looking for a boyfriend?? She the fluffer for later?? I know, it’s crass but come on: the players don’t have their wives, girlfriends or kids in there…what makes you think they want a female reporter in there??

There are some things that need to be for & by men only. Reporting in a locker room: male only. And if a woman wants to be in the locker room to do an interview, boo hoo…not going to happen.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Just can't stand it can you??

It's been a year and a half with President Obama & his cabinet at the helm of our government.

So lets review some highlights of the former President Bush Jr's watch-2001-2009:

A never declared war in Afghanistan & Iraq

Household income dropped 2000-2007

Instituted the No Child Left Behind Act

Implemented the largest tax cut in US history

The response to Hurricane Katrina

Housing market collapsed

Mortgage crisis

Cut family planning funds to foreign countries

Opposed and vetoed SCHIP (health insurance for children)

Opposed the Kyoto Protocol

Vetoed stem cell research

Dismissed 4 Federal attorneys that caused a uproar since no one understood why & still don't.

Implemented President's Surveillance Program (anyone can be wire tapped)

Ignored the Geneva Convention

America's image goes downt he crapper globally.

So after 8 years, some people think President Obama's taking this country down by his policies. Really? I read the above & wonder how the US made it this far without other nations placing a ban on our exports.

Personally, I think it boils down to racism. An educated, well spoken, laid back Black man is in the Oval office & many folks just can't stand it. Don't think it's racism? Look at who's protesting the loudest. Yes, there are a few Black Americans that don't agree with President Obama but I haven't heard many over the roar of the tea parties & the Glenn Beck clones. And doubt they will be heard because of their race.

Really, we all know the real, underlining reason many kick President Obama everytime. We read, we have access to C-SPAN & alternative news outlets: He's Black & you just can't stand it!!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Dating Men & Why I Love Rum & Coke

Way, way back in the day, some girlfriends & I had a drinking game. Everyone had to re-tell a bad date story. For every ‘Oh damn’ you said, you had to take a shot. Worse story won a round of drinks from the girls. Needless to say, our livers hated us.

I’m dating off & on but I don’t like it. Why? Because either the rules changed & I never got the memo or the men around here have gone insane.

I remember dating as a getting to know someone, a process. You went out, saw movies or had a meal. Long talks on the phone, in person or email that slowly revealed the personality, upbringing & deal breakers: things that would allow a person to make a choice on whether or not that person was a good potential mate. No rushing, no bootie calls…just plain, simple conversations. Maybe a little hand holding, a bit of accidental touching, shy smiles & long stare offs into each others eyes. Romance…where’d you go??

A couple of weeks ago, I had 5 dates with 5 different men in a 7 day week. Just coffee/tea café type dates after talking with the guys via the phone & email for a couple weeks. (Yes, I said weeks. If I don’t know someone & they show an interest in me, it’ll take weeks of conversations for me to feel comfortable enough to go on a date. It’s called courtship for those who forgot the concept.)

Each date ended badly. How badly?

1-Saw the guy after a movie & he gave me his number. After 2 weeks of phone conversations, we went to a café for tea for a 1st date. From the phone calls, I knew a bit more about him & was expecting a fun time. After getting our drinks & finishing up the small talk, he told me he liked to wear women’s underwear. Pause for the WTF moment. That didn’t surprise me because he mentioned that he had some kinks that weren’t main stream & I'm pretty laid back so nothing really surprises me. But talking about sex isn't a good idea on a 1st date because it makes you look crazy & horny. So I told him he made me very uncomfortable on our 1st date & doubt there’ll be another. Which sucks because they weren’t granny draws or that’s what he told me.

2-Guy introduced himself during an art exhibit in July & I talked to him on the phone for a whole month. I was excited to finally get some face time because our talks were meaningful & lively. So we go out & the man didn’t stop talking about his money. How much he made, where he’s money went, how he was going to take care of me, blah, blah, wallet, blah, blah. He was pimping himself to me…gross! Some men are their jobs, I get that. But if I wanted to date your wallet, I would of talked to it, not you. Told him to lose my number because he was too shallow & arrogant for someone like me. He didn’t want to but that’s why there’s caller ID.

3-The guy’s dog walked right to me in Petsmart. Weird since I own a cat & I’m not a dog person. But we spoke for a moment, he gave me number & we spoke for 2 weeks via the phone. While #2 didn’t know or associate with #3, the same thing happened: 1st date, talked about money. But this guy was going to show me the world, take me on trips to London or the Islands, blah blah blah. Great, another pimp. Told him I felt men who brag about their money are insecure & not worth my time. Shame, because he had a really nice ass.

4 & 5: While I didn’t make it to a 1st date with either 4 or 5 after talking for weeks with them, they get an honorable mention because I did try. Mainly, they were good looking, well dressed, well mannered whores that enjoyed being bitter & angry at the dumb ass mistakes they made with other women. Every other comment out of their mouths was how a Black women hurt them, used them or caused them drama. Not once did they speak on choosing the deranged, hateful women that they allowed to cause havoc in their lives. A few times I asked why even talk to me since I am a Black woman & they hate 'us'. 'Oh, you're different', they said. Aaawww...that's sweet. Now let me find my boots & a shovel because you’re so full of shyte, I can smell in on your breath.

If anything, my bad moments in dating don’t seem all that bad but it's happening more often. Bitter, hateful, confused, whorish, overly arrogant men seem to be everywhere. Too hurt to move on, too damaged from past relationships to heal, and too angry to even try to be happy. Anyone thinking woman have the market on holding onto hurtful feelings, talk to a man.

So what's a girl to do when every guy she meets needs a therapist prior to a 1st date?? Get a guy cat, restock the liquor cabinet & call the girls. It's gonna be a long night...

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Black, Good Looking Men Aren’t Gay, Heifers!!!!

Only gay men can look good.

Image my disbelief when I hear, time & time again by Black women, that any Black man that looks well groomed or is well dressed are queer. Sounds like somebody’s been drinking hateraide.

There was a time when maybe, just maybe, it was true that only queer men dressed well, looked good, spoke well, etc. But those days have long past. Straight Black men are finally letting their egos talk for them via their clothes. Atypical Black man dress be damned!! **The pants on the butt, huge diamond earrings isn’t a normal Black man outfit. It’s a young & dumb Black kid outfit & that’s not what I’m talking about**

Men’s fashion has come a very, very long way in style, fabrics, colors & tailoring, especially Black men’s fashion. For many years, baggy pants, formless polo shirts & high priced sneakers were the staples in a Black man closet. Plain black/blue/brown suits in, WTF!!!, polyester/rayon. Light pink/sky blue or bold & blinding colors were the only eye popping shades a man could wear. Black or white socks were standard. And many Black men had no idea how to groom themselves… Unkempt nails, scraggly facial hair, back hair, ear hair…Yeck!!!! It’s almost a wonder that many straight Black men received play from women, looking like Breakin’ rejects. ( )

Behold 2010!! Fitted button down shirts in a myriad of colors. Fitted jeans, oh thank the good Gods for fitted jeans!!! Well fitting t-shirts with modern prints or throw backs images. Tailored suits in linen, summer wool, cottons, even hemp in so many styles men need bigger closets. And I thank whomever started the manscaping trend! Men are getting pedicures so you don’t care if he rubs his feet in on your legs. Waxing/shaving the extra body hair so things don’t smell or have that nice, smooth finish that makes a woman want to keep her hand on you 24/7. Facials & masks to make their skin healthy & ageless. Then accessories!! Cuff links, suspenders, ascots, messenger bags, attaché’ cases, watches, sunglasses, understated jewelry. Hell, even men’s socks came up. All that said, I do understand where some Black women think all that’s queer. Michael Ealy, Taye Diggs, Bokeen Woodbine, Blair Underwood, Denzel Washington, Will Smith, Omar Epps, Dijmon Hountsu, Idris Elba, to name a few. Black men that many Black woman would kill to have 5 minutes alone with-think they’re queer because they dress well, are well groomed & speak well?? Just can’t stand a Black man to look prettier than you, can you? Or maybe that good looking Black man rejected you so you call him queer to make yourself feel better? Dear heart, pick up a copy of QG, Details, or Esquire, check some designers (Ozwald Boateng Alexander McQueen, Yohji Yamamoto, Dries Vannoten, John Varvatos, Givenchy, Armani, Hilfiger, Ralph Lauren are a good start).

I’m friends with & associated with stylist men in Philly & not one is queer, bi or sugary. Each & every one is straight (or so their mom’s, girlfriends & wives tell me). I have no problem at being out-prettied by the guys because all their friends are fine too & it’s like Christmas everyday.

So if you see me on the street, breaking my neck to look at some well dressed Black man & you say he’s queer within my earshot, I will mentally slap the taste out your mouth. Then I’ll embarrass you by chatting the man up, getting his number & a date. Because it's better wake up!!