Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Dating Men & Why I Love Rum & Coke

Way, way back in the day, some girlfriends & I had a drinking game. Everyone had to re-tell a bad date story. For every ‘Oh damn’ you said, you had to take a shot. Worse story won a round of drinks from the girls. Needless to say, our livers hated us.

I’m dating off & on but I don’t like it. Why? Because either the rules changed & I never got the memo or the men around here have gone insane.

I remember dating as a getting to know someone, a process. You went out, saw movies or had a meal. Long talks on the phone, in person or email that slowly revealed the personality, upbringing & deal breakers: things that would allow a person to make a choice on whether or not that person was a good potential mate. No rushing, no bootie calls…just plain, simple conversations. Maybe a little hand holding, a bit of accidental touching, shy smiles & long stare offs into each others eyes. Romance…where’d you go??

A couple of weeks ago, I had 5 dates with 5 different men in a 7 day week. Just coffee/tea café type dates after talking with the guys via the phone & email for a couple weeks. (Yes, I said weeks. If I don’t know someone & they show an interest in me, it’ll take weeks of conversations for me to feel comfortable enough to go on a date. It’s called courtship for those who forgot the concept.)

Each date ended badly. How badly?

1-Saw the guy after a movie & he gave me his number. After 2 weeks of phone conversations, we went to a café for tea for a 1st date. From the phone calls, I knew a bit more about him & was expecting a fun time. After getting our drinks & finishing up the small talk, he told me he liked to wear women’s underwear. Pause for the WTF moment. That didn’t surprise me because he mentioned that he had some kinks that weren’t main stream & I'm pretty laid back so nothing really surprises me. But talking about sex isn't a good idea on a 1st date because it makes you look crazy & horny. So I told him he made me very uncomfortable on our 1st date & doubt there’ll be another. Which sucks because they weren’t granny draws or that’s what he told me.

2-Guy introduced himself during an art exhibit in July & I talked to him on the phone for a whole month. I was excited to finally get some face time because our talks were meaningful & lively. So we go out & the man didn’t stop talking about his money. How much he made, where he’s money went, how he was going to take care of me, blah, blah, wallet, blah, blah. He was pimping himself to me…gross! Some men are their jobs, I get that. But if I wanted to date your wallet, I would of talked to it, not you. Told him to lose my number because he was too shallow & arrogant for someone like me. He didn’t want to but that’s why there’s caller ID.

3-The guy’s dog walked right to me in Petsmart. Weird since I own a cat & I’m not a dog person. But we spoke for a moment, he gave me number & we spoke for 2 weeks via the phone. While #2 didn’t know or associate with #3, the same thing happened: 1st date, talked about money. But this guy was going to show me the world, take me on trips to London or the Islands, blah blah blah. Great, another pimp. Told him I felt men who brag about their money are insecure & not worth my time. Shame, because he had a really nice ass.

4 & 5: While I didn’t make it to a 1st date with either 4 or 5 after talking for weeks with them, they get an honorable mention because I did try. Mainly, they were good looking, well dressed, well mannered whores that enjoyed being bitter & angry at the dumb ass mistakes they made with other women. Every other comment out of their mouths was how a Black women hurt them, used them or caused them drama. Not once did they speak on choosing the deranged, hateful women that they allowed to cause havoc in their lives. A few times I asked why even talk to me since I am a Black woman & they hate 'us'. 'Oh, you're different', they said. Aaawww...that's sweet. Now let me find my boots & a shovel because you’re so full of shyte, I can smell in on your breath.

If anything, my bad moments in dating don’t seem all that bad but it's happening more often. Bitter, hateful, confused, whorish, overly arrogant men seem to be everywhere. Too hurt to move on, too damaged from past relationships to heal, and too angry to even try to be happy. Anyone thinking woman have the market on holding onto hurtful feelings, talk to a man.

So what's a girl to do when every guy she meets needs a therapist prior to a 1st date?? Get a guy cat, restock the liquor cabinet & call the girls. It's gonna be a long night...

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